Today’s blog post I write from sunny Florida, at nearly 1am (local time) during a sleepless night. I’m enjoying my visit immensely, but while I’m here in my parents house, surrounded by an abundance of pastels and palm trees, I couldn’t resist writing at least a little something for the simple clash of worlds that such a thing can be. Imagine if you will, your dark domina, perched in a cozy chair within a well decorated ‘office'; covered in lace, floral prints, knick knacks and the personal style of my polar opposite parental unit. To say it’s cheerful would be a dramatic understatement…even the pens and pencils on this desk are covered in glitter and feathers and I’m within sight of no less than 10 family photo albums….so naturally, I sit down at the only computer in the house and think of you boys…..I love it here, but man do I miss Seattle.
With that tidbit in mind, please enjoy this post for all the truth and humor it offers…
20 THINGS YOUR DOMINATRIX WANTS YOU TO KNOW
1. We REALLY DO want you to have fun.
I know the common theme in BDSM is that you’re coming to us to be punished, tormented, violated or degraded (or something on a softer scale), but regardless of what images pop to mind when you think ‘Dominatrix'; we don’t want to crush you into dust. Even if we’re doing some questionable and obscure things with your flesh – we’re playful creatures and we want you to like what’s happening. Ultimately we’re here to facillitate your personal exploration in whatever form that takes.
2. Your nervousness is charming, but really not necessary.
Maybe it’s just me, but I adore the sight of a man who’s slightly trembling, don’t you? But trust me, we aren’t about to eat your alive and we’re experts on making you feel comfortable right off the bat. We completely understand that it can be nerve wrecking to come into a strangers studio, openly share the most intimate parts of your sexuality and within moments be ready to entrust us with your bodies to navigate the dark waters of kink. More than anything, we want you to feel at ease and comfortable with yourself, with us and with your interests; so most professional sex workers are pretty adept at helping you get over any jitters you might have. Don’t think for a second we’re going to allow your anxiety to get in the way of our good time!
3. We really don’t have a preference for age, race, personality, stamina, body type, physical abilities, lifestyle or other characteristics.
Really, truthfully, and from the bottom of my heart I say this…
Most sex workers don’t have any sort of preference or leaning to one ‘type’ of person or another when to comes to our clients. What we care about is how much fun we’re going to have with you – okay and hygiene and politeness count pretty high too.
4. We don’t expect you to plan your own session, but we LOVE when you bring ideas to the table.
If you’re new, believe me, we aren’t expecting you to have a mapped out idea of how you’d like your scene to go. We just need a hint as to what you’re most curious for. After that, we’re here to fill in those blanks for you.
After that intro scene, we adore when our returning clients come to us with inspiration! It can be hard over time to constantly come up with new and creative ways to play if you become a solid regular, but keeping things fresh by letting us know how your interests are evolving is a massive and much welcome help!…and no, we don’t see that as topping from the bottom.
5. Dominatrixes are real women.
Most of us have very normal lives outside of this and aren’t looking to poach every single client for our own live in harem of slaves. We don’t hate men, don’t live the easiest life imaginable and certainly don’t feel self entitled because we’re “Alpha’s” by profession or any other stereotypical nonsense like that. Pro Dommes are hard working people who put in a lot of effort to running a businesses – just like you do. I assure you, outside of the dungeon, we have a very healthy view of the world and in all other ways, function as creative but fully integrated members of society.
6. We enjoy your connection but we are only your Domme professionally.
Unless you’ve been personally invited into the private world of your Pro Domme, just remember that you’re initially soliciting a Mistress for her ability to expand your horizons – on a professional level. You responded to her advertisement and you chose her based on her looks, her offerings, her tribute and her presentation: not for her hopes, dreams, personality or life goals (and we know this). As your trust and relationship deepens, just remember to keep your feet on the ground. It’s entirely natural to feel devoted and personal with your Dominatrix, but never forget that you didn’t meet her on eharmony and most of us have a firm policy on not dating our clients.
7. Most dungeons are relatively safe places to be.
There’s a reason most people go to a pro when they have something they want to act out; it’s because we’re skilled, equipped and clean. Now, this isn’t true in EVERY dungeon, but in most; you can count on a HIGH level of care and professionalism. We go through great lengths to ensure your safety in all ways and that includes using quality toys/tools, learning correct practices and always sterilizing things after each and every visitor. If you look close enough, most practitioners are more than happy to tell you *exactly* what their process is to ensure safety and sanitation.
8. We want you to stay focused and in the moment.
You can check your smart phone, talk about your kids/work or mentally plan your grocery list any other time….but not with us. Don’t be surprised, offended or disappointed if we try to keep your head in the game and stray away from discussions that don’t have to do with the naughty fun we’re trying to share with you. This is OUR time; unless there’s an emergency, everything else can wait.
9. We can really keep a secret!
I heard a joke along time ago that there are three types of people in this world you can tell your secrets too. Your priest, your lawyer and your sex worker. It’s true, in all instances what we do requires secrecy. It’s not a privilege, that would be appreciated… It’s a stone cold demand. We’ve got no interest in sharing the details of what happens behind closed doors with anyone else. Not just for your sake, but for our own as well. We believe that EVERYONE has the right to keep their private business private; and a huge part of what we do is treating you with the same amount of discretion as we expect in return. Consider our lips sealed!
10. But, you still need to be cautious.
This should be obvious, but please don’t save our numbers to your phone under any obvious heading (Miss V, Domina, etc), delete your emails and don’t text anything you wouldn’t want your friends or significant other reading.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been contacted by someones girlfriend, wife or buddy because my client happened to forget to hide or remove incriminating correspondence from their email or phone. While I gave nothing away and played ‘dumb’ about who those clients were, we really don’t appreciate having our own privacy violated like that – and having to deal with an upset, curious, questioning or threatening individual at the same time. Keep a clean trail and you won’t have anything to answer for!
11. We know you’re not all named John.
It’s shocking I know, but after my first dozen or so clients – I realized that it’s statistically impossible for you to ALL be John, Mike or Mark. You don’t need to give us your real first name if that makes you uncomfortable, but if you insist on using a terribly common moniker, be aware that we won’t be able to tell who you are when you call or email.
On the note of names, if you choose a fake name, stick to it… We don’t mind, but nothing confuses us more then when you’re John when you call, Josh when you email and Craig when you knock on the door. At some point, we’ll just revert to calling you ‘darling’ because we’ve got no clue what form of address you prefer.
Pro Tip: it’s totally cool to introduce yourself by the name of your favorite character, actor, singer or anything like that…. I’d love to dominate a Marcellus Wallace one of these days.
12. We can use your time however you’d like.
No two clients like to use their time in the dungeon the same way, but if you book 2 hours, you’re welcome to use those 2 hours any way you’d like! Really – we won’t insist on any particular pace and we tend to stick to a common formula (15 minutes talk/prep, play, 15-20 minutes aftercare/shower/post scene chat) if you don’t specify another way.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting a talk only or play only scene so long as you stay within the hours you’ve scheduled so don’t be afraid to speak up if you have a certain way you like to indulge!
13. We apprecaite it when you respect our private lives.
Being so terribly and immediately intimate with a stranger can be a bit tricky, so many sex workers compartmentalize things in order to keep ‘work’ and ‘life’ vastly separate. We don’t mean to offend or keep you at an unnecessary distance; but for the same reasons you may not expand on the details of your day to day lives; we prefer the same privacy. Unless either side volunteers information, it’s best neither of us pry.
14. If we cancle your appointment, please don’t take it personally.
When you’re the thrill someone’s been looking forward to after a long day or week, we know how much of a downer it can be when we need to cancel or move our appointment. We don’t want to let you down, so we try at all costs to avoid that whenever possible.
However, if we’re sick, low energy or something pops up, we may elect to reach out to you so as to ensure we’re at 100% for our precious time together. We know you work hard for your money and that you trust and value the respite and excitement we offer; so it’s not fair to take your tribute just because we can if we’re not every bit the focused, erotic and Dominant woman you’ve come to expect. If we contact you to move our date a bit, it’s not because we don’t want to play with you – it’s just because we’re not physically or mentally ready and able to rock your world.
15. Our compliments can be genuine!
There’s a cliche in sex work, but not all of us give empty compliments to our playmates. If we say something – we mean it. Don’t be too quick to write our words off because this is a professional exchange. There’s still a living breathing woman under all the leather and latex and sometimes, she has some nice things to say to and about her visitors….and sometimes she thinks you need to hear them!
16. We really don’t judge.
As long as you’re a gentleman; what you say, how you act and what you enjoy isn’t going to change our view of you at all. If you’re a day to day 9-5, well polished, professional business and family man, I’m not going to see you differently when you tell me you like to be diapered, fisted and tied in an exposing position. You can be all of those wonderful things, with a few quirks. That’s totally okay! Your kinks don’t define you as a person.
17. We can only read what you express.
Have you ever wondered how your Mistress always seems to do just the right thing at just the right time? When to whisper something controlling into your ear or deliver that next perfectly placed cane stroke?
Well frankly my dear, it’s because we tend to play with very emotive partners – and we LOVE when you’re responsive! Having someone writhe and moan beneath you as you conquer every inch of their body is incredibly intoxicating to us. Not only does it serve as pure gasoline for your Femme Domme’s fire, it also let’s us know how you’re receiving that interaction (when it’s good, bad or overwhelming) and having that sort of physical dialog helps us read you like an open book.
18. We really don’t mind if you’re a novice or still feeling out if BDSM is right for you.
Not every client we see knows definitively whether or not they’re actually kinky. You can be brand new or even just mildly curious and still have a great time in our dungeon – we won’t be bored with your questions or hesitance! Sure, playing with a partner who’s done this for a while does have its merits, but we absolutely LOVE being the one to break you in if we happen to be your first Dominatrix.
19. No, BDSM isn’t all about pain – pain free sessions absolutely exist – and yes, we like those too!
Don’t worry, we don’t have a one track mind and we aren’t bent on making you endure a session you’re not interested in. We love softer scenes and there’s a SLEW of things we can do that are more focused on other forms of domination, pleasure and control. Every now and then it’s massively fun for us to tone things down and facilitate something a bit more sensuous. Remember, we are very multifaceted creatures, even if that isn’t immediately apparent!
20. We are happy you’re in our lives.
While all of this stays professional for the safety and sanity for everyone involved, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to really enjoying my visitors and regulars. I’ve met some of the most wonderful, thoughtful, entertaining and lovely men that I’d not have otherwise crossed paths with, and I’m so grateful we have the time together that we do. I look forward to your visits, truly and genuinely and I think of you (or rather what I’d like to do to you) when you’re not here. You are more then just a list of visitors I’m seeing this week, you’re my kinky friends and pervy pets – and I’m so thankful for your existence.